A Darker Vision Critique Forum
September 09, 2010, 10:54:09 PM
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Inquisition
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Topic: Inquisition (Read 182 times)
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Helvetica
Word Smith
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Posts: 199
Inquisition
«
on:
January 26, 2010, 09:14:04 PM »
He precisely stepped through the door on the right.
He stayed there, sitting by those verzögerungen and l.
He was in the incomprehensible sector.
He represented one moment
Of two black masses which quickly disappeared.
And he could see circuit breakers very detailed in their manner.
He carried a used Derby, a document-case and a stick,
Appearing armed like a traveller.
I was paralysed with fear.
We were questioned
Individually.
I gave them up.
What choice did I have?
Don't answer.
«
Last Edit: January 26, 2010, 09:50:45 PM by Helvetica
»
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Mule
Global Moderator
Litterateur
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Posts: 1175
Re: Inquisition
«
Reply #1 on:
February 23, 2010, 06:37:00 PM »
Interesting. I think I would like to know more about why, “I was paralyzed with fear.”
I’m not sure what purpose the German serves (other than to give the impression of a severe looking Gestapo agent), followed by the letter “l”. But then I would be led to ask, why the German language there, in a not particularly severe usage?
Great ending…that leaves much to the imagination.
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Helvetica
Word Smith
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Posts: 199
Re: Inquisition
«
Reply #2 on:
February 24, 2010, 07:25:01 AM »
I've given this a re-write. Some of the lines were too cryptic and I can't even remember their original meaning! Thanks for critiquing. Let me know what you think (The German was the fault of Google translator, lol).
He precisely stepped through the door on the right.
He stayed there, sitting by those unterrassen and l.
He ruled this incomprehensible precinct.
He represented a moment in time
Of two black masses which would quickly disappear.
And he could see circuit breakers very detailed in their manner,
With complete apathy towards any man.
He carried a used Derby, a document-case and a stick,
Appearing armed like a traveller.
I knew he was deadly, none the less.
I was paralysed with fear,
No evidence that I would be spared.
We were questioned
Individually.
I gave them up.
What choice did I have?
Don't answer.
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martinh20
Word Smith
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Posts: 368
Re: Inquisition
«
Reply #3 on:
February 25, 2010, 01:40:54 PM »
I quite like this for the atmosphere, It smells of stasi.
Bill.
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ill harris
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