I was born waiting

[europegetready]

I was born waiting
I waited ten days,
Then a few days more.
I wait now,
For you to knock on the door,
Or ring the bell as you always do,
No matter how many times we tell you

I wait for the phone to ring,
So I can tell you whatever thing
Is new
Whether it be good, or bad
Or something to laugh over

I wait for whatever drama is happening,
To be over,
But I will do the best I can
To hold your hand and
Give you advice
Even if the others,
Aren’t playing nice

I wait for us to grow,
Just so you know

The way those 16 steps became 3
We
Will be close
No matter where our current post
Is.

I was born waiting.

Maya H

[agib00]

europe, I read this a few times.  I wanted to like it and parts of it, I do.
Using the title as the first line makes an odd read. It seems you were born and ten days later you wait for a knock.

last line of stanza one?  What has someone been told often?
(maybe to just come on in?)
 I could see dropping "is happening" after drama. I don't think you need it.
And- could be dropped after the word hand and just use a comma.

"The way those 16 steps became 3
We
Will be close
No matter where our current post
Is."


Not too sure about that whole stanza.
Post sounds almost military.

Thanks for the read.  There is a good thought within.

[Mule]

Hi E...,

I think the poem has potential but needs a little more attention.

I don’t see the purpose of the line, “I was born waiting.”  It seems to have no real bearing on the poem.  You could probably drop it with no loss.

There is a general vagueness about the poem that some imagery would help alleviate.  Yes, things like, ‘door’ and ‘phone’ and ‘post’ give some reference, but they could be more picturesque in their presentation, which would make the overall idea in the poem stronger.  For instance, the ‘door’ might be an old, weathered screen door from some  desolate farm house or an ornate elaboration found on a mansion.  Either of these gives an image that lets the reader’s mind wander as to what might really be going on here, and consequently makes for a more interesting read.
To this end, I would suggest going back to specific pictures you have in mind--say of that person knocking on the door, and so forth--and drawing on those pictures to include that imagery in the body of your poem.

Watch out for repetitions, such as ‘ring’ and ‘days’ and ‘whatever’.  They tend to weaken the work rather than broaden the spectrum of poetic imagination.

Hope this helps,

Mule