Number Nine (a rewrite)

[Mule]

Number Nine

Now sit in the morning yard with Neefe
and the amorous coo of a single dove
while the leisured waters of the Rhine
drift away the sharp tones of providence.

Oh Antonie!  Where are my fingers
that I may dabble around your sweet ear?
By your virtue banish me from the long void
to make full my mark on this furled page.

What pleasure there is in such triumph,
to singularly kiss the universal god
of malady and take note of the lesser
royalties for which this chorus swells.

Forgive me…I am not the mad creature
you seek to defuse, the vigorous bane
of Goethe;  Rather am I lockless Samson
grasping at the pillars of Philistine art.

[martinh20]

Hi mule, this is rather good, I like the archaic style in contemporary style text, it would be an interesting exercise to make it rhyme. but the 'lockless' Samson, for me, sounds slightly 'wrong'. perhaps it is just me, but I myself, would prefer to see 'sheared' or some such, perhaps I'm in the minority on this point.
                                                                                                               Bill.

[Mule]

Thanks for the look, Bill.
I chose 'lockless' for two reasons, first the obvious missing hair, and second to hint at a condition suggesting it will never grow back--this in representing Beethoven's irreversible loss of hearing--'sheared' (it's actually what I tried originally), didn't have the same meaning for me.  Perhaps I will rummage around for a prettier word, but for now I'm comfortable with 'lockless.'

Thanks again,
Mule

[agib00]

mule, I love it. I love that style.(archaic) or Olde English.
Sheared is ok by me. Sounds like a bit of alopecia.(hair loss) lol
The very first word (now) is the one that stopped me;
Could it just start off with Sit or maybe  Come sit. Now seems a command-Come seems an invitation.

kudos

[Mule]

Thanks for the thoughts, AG.
"Now" isn't meant to be a command here.  It's meant to grab, or redirect a reader's focus from whatever he/she might have been thinking presently, to immersion in the image.  Beethoven is a rather coarse entity, and his music at times, jolting.  That's why I chose "Now," instead of the milder, 'come.'

[martinh20]

Hi mule, that 'now' at the beginning of this write did make me wince slightly, because it instantly reminded me of the beginning of 'Fern Hill' by the venerable Dylan Thomas;

'Now as I was young and easy under the apple boughs
About the lilting house and happy as the grass was green'

Perhaps it is unfair to make the comparison, but that 'now' at the beginning of 'Fern Hill', stands as recognisable as a 'trademark' and slightly skews it's usage for anyone else.
                                                                                                                       Bill.
                                                                                                                   

[Mule]

That would be akin to suggesting it is unsuitable to begin a poem with words like, I or you or look or when or what or to; or for a musician not to begin a song in C because another musician also did; or an artist not to use the color red.
And it would be a bit of a slight not to mention myriad other poets who began works with the word ‘now.’

“Now the hungry lion roars, ‘ and the wolf behowls the moon;” - Geoffrey Chaucer

“Now the bright morning-star, Day’s harbinger, / comes dancing…” - John Milton

“Now that I, tying thy glass mask tightly, / May gaze through…” - Robert Browning

“Now I out walking / The world desert” - Robert Frost

“Now list to my morning’s romanza—I tell the signs of the Answerer:” - Walt Whitman
To name a few.

 “Now” stays.

[Helvetica]

Now, now!

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

[martinh20]

Oh dear, we seemed to have touched a raw nerve with this one.
The other 'nows' you have listed, with the exception perhaps of Frosts, are contextual, whereas with the start of your write, the 'now' Vere's towards the more abstract in its usage. thus the reference to Dylan Thomas. The 'now' will be fine no doubt for most folk. This is a personal oppinion, and perhaps not a general one.
I think I may have started poems myself with 'now', but if this was mine, I would lose the 'now' but it is not, so you can of course keep it if you so wish.
My printer started playing up today, it is indeed "now is the printer of my discontent", or "now is the printer of low ink content".
                                                                                                                      Bill.

[Mule]

Not at all.  The point is, as you have so aptly communicated in the past, recurrence may become inevitable, even if unintentional.  In the use of basic language, it must become impossible.  “Now,” suits my purpose; I have no reason to change it.
And now, I think you should continue with the excellent possibilities you have extended regarding your poetic printer.

Mule